A man can’t live without society.
Our whole life runs in constant communication.
Our well-being and life itself depend on how this communication goes, how we can understand other people. In communication we are involved in words, we are confused in them, we believe them and do not see what is behind these words. Strange as it may sound, it is often words that prevent us from understanding a person.
Since childhood, at home, in kindergarten, at school, and in the institute, we are taught to pay all our attention to words spoken or written. We are positively supported for these actions. We grow, develop in this field and begin to see the world only through the prism of these words. And… we lose sight of a huge part of the world that could be compared to the underwater part of the iceberg.
In general, behind the word trees we do not see a forest of other information, which is ten times larger and more informative.
It turns out, according to the common opinion of scientists, when talking only 7-10% of information is carried by words (this is called verbal information), and the remaining 90% of information comes from other channels (non-verbal). And all our youth we learn to understand words and almost at all do not learn to perceive the remaining 90% of information that comes to non-verbal information. Is gre hard?
And it leads to the fact that we practically do not understand our interlocutor at all. Well, imagine that you, listening to some speech, understood only 10% of the words. Would you then be able to understand what it’s about? I’m sure it’s very vague and very approximate.
Besides, you have to consider the fact that people are prone to deception. And that’s an established fact, too. It’s calculated that on average, we hear five to ten times cheating every day. It is possible because we almost all easily control the words we utter, so there is an easy opportunity to commit deception.
But it’s impossible to control the body that way, at least the whole body. And it, as we’ve already understood, carries 90% of the information. Therefore, the one who knows how to understand this information can see in a person much more than this person himself. And, of course, he won’t let himself be fooled so easily.
Body language is a huge area that you can study all your life. In this article I would like to give some recommendations, which I think would be useful both for beginners in this business and those who consider themselves a specialist in communication.
Is gre hard? No.
About a hundred and fifty years ago, a European doctor, who deals with children with mental and intellectual disabilities (who can hardly speak), was looking for a way to understand them – to understand what their ward feels or thinks. And he found a way, which he then wrote about in his works. In order to understand the child, he advised to copy his face, his mimicry – and then you can understand how this child feels.
In Castaneda, the hero of his books, Don Juan, in order to understand the other person well, gives him a technique called “To pass in someone else’s loafers. Its essence is that it is necessary to walk for a long time after the one you have decided to understand well, displaying his gait, gestures, movements.
And the NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) states that if you display your interlocutor, you can understand how he feels. And if you know him well, you can also understand with a high degree of confidence what he thinks.
All this is explained by the fact that our feelings are inseparable from the body, all of them, to exist, must be manifested in the body. If there is no manifestation in the body, then there are no feelings. And if you display them in the body, then you begin to experience them.
In training, “emotional intelligence” postulates: in order to understand emotions well both in yourself and in others, you must be able to arbitrarily display the whole range of human emotions. Most common words on gre for communication. By the way, Paul Eckmann, the prototype of the main character in the film “Deceive Me”, who created the map of human emotions, learned to depict absolutely all emotions on his face. And he also paid attention to the effect interesting for him at that time. When he depicted negative emotions, his feeling was visibly deteriorating.
Therefore, the first and one of the most effective ways to understand other people is to be able to display and mirror them. What should you pay attention to here?
The position of the body.
Speed of movement.
Direction of the eye.
And to complete the picture you can add clothes, hairstyle and accessories.
I would like to add at the end of the article that thirty years ago, not being familiar with the NLP, Castaneda and psychology, I noticed that if at least half a minute to pass the gait of another person, then immediately understand the feelings of this person.
Try, perhaps you will like it and it will be useful.