A simple worldly way to exhale and count to 10 helps to stop the original desire, but later the untold can lie heavy weight and strongly spoil the cheerful mood. We counted to 10 and found 10 ways to help you not just keep quiet, but learn to be more restrained without harming yourself or others.
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- Developing pragmatism.
Throwing out aggression or, as they say, sabotaging evil is certainly useful, otherwise we wouldn’t even be willing to react to what we don’t like. That’s okay, because everyone is a living person, but is this the benefit we seek in the end? I don’t think so. In a moral fight, we hurt ourselves and those we fight with, and breaking is easier and faster than repairing. When the focus is on the main, not the momentary benefit, to say something inappropriate will not come to mind. After all, politeness and tact are quickly restored when it suddenly becomes clear that the person you love can be disappointed, the leadership – to fine, and friends – to deprive communication and mutual assistance.
- postponing the conversation
This method is very similar to the previous one, but you have to put it off for a much longer time. Especially when the conversation is serious and the decision you have to make will affect your whole life. Offering a new job, the need to take sides in a conflict, a serious conversation with your husband. Do not give in to the first impulse and do not rush to dot all the “i”. Let your head cool down and weigh the pros and cons, and only then make and voice the decision.
- “Undress” the person you’re talking to
In our minds we can give a completely different meaning to what we hear – less valuable to us. In this sense, “undress” means to take off the aggressor’s shell of importance, reduce it to a pedestal and “dress” it easier. Such a method works well when you are so drawn to respond to the boss-samodura his stupidity, but you know that it will cost you a job. Imagine how ridiculous he would look on the beach wearing pigeon-skinned swimsuits with a belly up front. How can you take a man like that seriously and argue with him? Let him shake the air alone, and you enjoy the game of your own imagination.
- Let’s take a deep breath.
Take a few deep breaths when you realize that your conversation partner has already brought you to the boiling point and you are ready to break. Breathe before you start scolding your child for an untidy room or before you tell your friend new gossip. Deep breathing soothes and saturates the brain with oxygen, changing the physical state of the body. And it will help to calm down a little and think things over again.
- Switch places with the visa.
This method will help in communication with children, when you want to grab the prankster by the scruff and make a fuss about his antics. Imagine that it was you, not him who just broke a pot of flowers and threw a stone at the neighbor’s window. Remember how your heart was dying when parental anger was about to fall on your head. After a few minutes of memory, you may want to find another way to raise yourself than screaming and swearing.
- Follow the folk wisdom…
“Bite your tongue,” “put water in your mouth.” It is considered that these expressions speak of silence in a figurative sense. Why not try to embody their direct meaning? Of course, it’s a little strange to grab a glass of water every time. But you can bite your own tongue unnoticed. Our brain is designed so that it instantly switches to physical pain, forgetting all the other irritants. Businessmen in negotiations sometimes use the usual office gum. They put it on your wrist and hide it under your cuffs. In moments when it is necessary to take a pause and to think over an important moment again, a person invisibly pulls up an elastic band, which is unpleasant to the skin. Thus, attention is switched to physical sensations and the decision is not taken in a hurry.
- Let’s practice the aging.
Knowing the sin of unrestraint, work to remove it all the time. If you step on your foot on the bus, scolded in line, cheeked at the store, keep quiet. Even if the temptation to put the nerve in place is too great, and a small outbreak of aggression will not harm your reputation, in no case do not let the anger. If you hold back now, you can hold back when it’s necessary. You will learn to control your emotions and your language, so that it could not spill over into an enemy camp.
- Talk to yourself.
In psychology there is such a notion as affirmation – a phrase that contains a certain formula and helps to fix what is necessary in our subconscious. Do you remember how the heroine Irina Muravyova repeated in front of the mirror about the most charming and attractive? So this method works for talkers as well. Choose your “mantra” and repeat it from time to time or in moments when you want to express everything that has accumulated. For example, let it be: “I know how to stop on time, I can be silent at the right moment,” or “I can control my words. In time, this statement will work, and you will really learn to control yourself.
- Let’s analyze this.
As a rule, our behavior is quite predictable. We break down in very similar life situations. Analyze the unpleasant moments that you have already experienced and try to understand what exactly brings you out of balance. Perhaps it is the disdainful tone of your mother-in-law and everything that resembles it, or some resentment that reaches out to you from childhood. There must necessarily be something in common and similar in all cases. Well, when you already know the “enemy” in the face, to cope with it is much easier.
- We use filters.
Make it a rule to “sieve” everything you’re going to say. Think of at least three criteria that any message you send should meet. For example, words should not harm another person, secondly, you should be fully confident in their truthfulness, and thirdly, they are really necessary and will not be a meaningless shout. And only after a thought passes such a triple test, turn it into a speech, otherwise it can be not only meaningless, but also harmful.
Leo Tolstoy said that “people learn how to speak, and the main science – how and when to silence. And to comprehend this science it is necessary to start as early as possible. It is not without reason that the Chinese wisdom says: “Do not speak unless it changes the silence for the better”.
What if the inability to keep silent spoils a relationship as a couple? Our experts recommend it.