One of the key themes of the psychology of influence – how to learn to persuade, achieving goals even at the initial disagreement with his visa. This skill is important for business, personal relationships, strengthening your own self-esteem. However, the skill of persuasion is dangerously close to manipulation, which, although effective in the short term, is very harmful “in the long run”.
This is the art of a competent negotiator: in pursuit of their own, do not create the feeling that they were used, deceived and forced to do something forcibly. On the contrary, the interlocutor sincerely agrees with the thesis offered to him or fulfils the request, and the positive feeling remains with him in the future. Let’s understand how, convincing a person not to become a manipulator, but at the same time to achieve success in negotiations, to persuade their relatives and colleagues and stay with everyone in good relations.
How to convince a person: the key principles
There is a lot of literature on how to learn to persuade, but theory alone helps little. You have to learn practical ways to influence. This is useful from all angles: you will learn how to persuade yourself and will be able to resist manipulation by recognizing the techniques of your opponents.
The fundamental principle of persuasion is the combination of logical arguments with emotions and peculiarities of human psychology. This was discovered by Aristotle, creator of the classic laws of rhetoric. The basis of persuasion is the use of three components:
pathos – an emotional component that influences feelings, creating the right mood in the interlocutor; logos – convincing arguments that are difficult to object;
ethosa is a reference to generally accepted authorities, positions, people close to the person, people he or she respects.
Another important tool of influence – the ability to quickly understand what position is close to the visa, to create the impression that the person you share his opinion. At the same time, you should not sink to manipulation.
The difference between manipulation and persuasion…
Manipulation is to take nothing in return and use charisma, NLP and other techniques to benefit, even if your opponent feels cheated. These methods don’t work so well: many people have already learned to recognize manipulation, and instead of the right result you get a rejection reaction and aggression.
Manipulative tactics are insidious: even if you succeed now, later your opponent will “come to his senses”, will understand that he was used and will convey this information to his entourage. In order not to be perceived as a toxic person, it is important to know how to convince a person not to become a manipulator. To do this, give up the classics of manipulation: false queries (clarification with a distortion of meaning), deliberate haste, demonstrative indifference, excessive, inappropriate rage or “syrup” sobriety.
How do you learn to persuade people
If you want to really convince someone, you have to follow the rule of reciprocity. If you offer something first, make a “beautiful gesture”, the person will have a desire to thank or at least “give up”. Often people in this situation give more than they got. It’s important to understand: the rule doesn’t mean that you will automatically achieve your goal – only that you will create such an emotional hook at your opponent. Here are some vivid examples:
nice optional gifts for seasonal holidays (or any occasion);
free samples of products that make you come back for a “full” purchase;
services that you donate to your neighbors, loved ones, colleagues and that make you feel the need to “pay back”.
Another way to convince your opponent is to use the law of friendship. People are willing to do more for their friends, but you need to get close to the person you are interested in. It is important to look for something for which your opponent can be sincerely praised, to make a compliment that will not look like a stretch and manipulation.
To easily get close to people, always keep an eye on how you look, how neat and appropriate your clothes, whether you hold on confidently. Try to show that you treat a person well and they will want to meet you. Finally, to make you listen to yourself, you can psychologically influence the visa – to influence the mind with words and non-verbal techniques (remembering the harm of manipulation).
For those who want to be convincing, it is useful to know about such techniques and be able to use them. Often, basic techniques are enough – for example, reference to most. According to research, 85% of the world’s population are conformists for whom the argument of “correctness” of behavior weighs a lot. It is enough to refer to the opinion of the majority or generally accepted norms, and the cup of scales will tip in your favor.
The principle of contrast also works well – it is often used in sales. People are offered objects with a very noticeable difference – in favor of what to sell. Other effective techniques:
“second offer”: a person is given the first, obviously disadvantageous, and he refuses, and then the second – a kind of concession (exactly what should have been achieved initially), and the opponent, “rehabilitating” after the refusal or compromise, agrees;
quick speech: if you speak clearly, quickly, you look more convincing – you can learn this in a course of rhetoric;
reframing – “twisting out” a negative statement in a positive way, using positive rhetoric;
open questions with a positive answer – let the person speak out and get a principled agreement, and then it will be easier;
visual and tactile contact – you have to be careful here, but if you break this invisible barrier, it will be much easier to get agreement;
strong arguments – last but not least, then they will be better remembered.
Examples of persuasion
Reframing: use positive connotations “pro” or “for” instead of “anti”. For example, a social movement is called “for nature” and not “against development”.
Open questions: “What do you think of…”, “How do you feel about…”
Emotional argument (curiosity, trust, etc.): “Frankly speaking, the action is already over, but let’s try to extend it for you”, “The illumination in this kettle changes the shade from blue to red when the water boils”.
Of course, all these skills need to be honed with professional coaches. Oratoris” school of public speaking skills invites all those who want to become convincing, to negotiate successfully, to defend their point of view. You will learn how, convincing anyone not to become a manipulator, how to win supporters, maintaining an ethics of influence.